The Secret to my Sex Positive Journey from the UK’s most Followed Sex Educator
Sex Is Natural, But You Still Have to Learn It
Reflecting on my sex positive journey: 5 Years of Sexual Growth for National Sex Day
You might know me now as the UK’s most followed sex educator, but five years ago, I was disconnected, ashamed, and unsure of what I really wanted. My sex positive journey didn’t begin with confidence—it began with confusion and curiosity.
Yesterday was National Sex Day, and I found myself reflecting not just on the celebration of sex, but the work it takes to actually enjoy it.
Because here’s the truth: sex might be natural, but you still have to learn how to do it.
We don’t question the learning process with other “natural” things. Take walking. It’s natural for most of us, right? But we don’t come out the womb strutting. We observe, wobble, and fall. We rely on others to help us up and encourage us to keep trying. With time and support, we find our rhythm. That is what I’m here to support you with.
Now imagine learning to walk… but no one tells you how. Or worse—they fill your head with shame. They tell you walking is only for certain people. Or they only show you walking in films where everyone moves like they’re acting, not really feeling.
What Is National Sex Day and Why Does It Matter?
National Sex Day, celebrated each year on June 9th (6/9—yes, cheeky), is a day to honour and normalise open conversations about sex, pleasure, and intimacy. What started as a light-hearted nod to sexual humour has evolved into something more powerful: a moment to reflect on how far we’ve come in breaking down shame and celebrating sexual freedom.
It matters because for many, sex is still shrouded in silence, misinformation, and fear. This day offers a chance to say, “You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to learn. You’re allowed to grow.”
5 years ago, I had never even owned a piece of lingerie…
Five years ago, I didn’t own a single piece of lingerie. I had one sex toy. That’s it.
People often assume I’ve always been sexually liberated—that becoming a sex educator came from a lifetime of confidence. But the truth is, my desire to educate came from not knowing. From feeling awkward, unsure, and deeply disconnected from my body.
At the time, my husband and I were in a monogamous relationship. He had only ever had sex with me. I rarely came during sex, and I didn’t even realise how much I was missing.
Today? We’ve grown into something so much richer. We’ve explored non-monogamy, kink, play, and deep emotional vulnerability. Our sex life—together and with others—is the most connected, creative, and joyful it’s ever been. It’s not about being wild. It’s about being real. (For more on that shift, read about how I found my Domme side.)
This personal sex positive journey didn’t just transform my intimacy—it reshaped my career, my marriage, and my connection to self.
Want some support in starting, or the opportunity to surround yourself with like-minded people?
Check out my events and webinars
What My Sex Positive Journey Has Taught Me
- Sex is natural, but it still needs to be learned—through curiosity, support, and consent.
- Sex is play. It doesn’t have to be performative, goal-driven, or serious. (Here’s why sexual performance anxiety misses the point.)
- Everyone’s idea of “good” sex is different. Compatibility matters more than any technique. Here’s what good sex actually means.
- Kink and desire are windows into our emotional and psychological worlds. Kink can support mental health and intimacy.
- Presence is more powerful than performance.
- Intimacy is a human right, not just for the “conventionally attractive.”
- Shame is a tool of control. Unlearning it is radical.
- Context is everything, understanding that is the key to releasing shame from our desires and having conscious, consent-focused experiences.
- Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of sexual fulfillment.
- Relearning consent with your own body is a messy but necessary practice.
- Reasons for wanting sex are multifaceted and fluid and no reason is more valid or moral than another.
Where Do We Go From Here?
Sex positivity isn’t just a hashtag. It’s a practice. A form of healing. A resistance to shame, silence, and suppression. And it’s not done—not in society, and probably not for you either. That’s not a flaw. It’s an invitation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is sex positivity?
Sex positivity is the belief that all consensual sexual expressions are valid and healthy. It encourages openness, education, and the dismantling of shame around sex.
How do I start my own sex positivity journey?
Start by questioning the beliefs you were taught about sex. Reflect on what brings you pleasure. Explore resources, follow educators, and take small steps to connect with your body.
How can I become sexually confident?
Sexual confidence comes from education, exploration, and presence, not perfection. Give yourself permission to learn, be awkward, and grow at your own pace.
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We’ve come a long way—and there’s still so much more to feel.
With love always,
Alice x
Alice Lovegood
A Sex Educator, life coach and spicy content creator, Alice wants to open up the conversation around sex and intimacy and help you feel at home in your body, celebrated and valued exactly as you are.
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