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The not so secret world of sex clubs and parties can be quite intimidating to the average Joe, and our fears over what happens in there can stop us entering into and enjoying this world. So for the nervous and curious I’ve put together a little information on what it’s like at some of these events, what to expect and some general etiquette I’ve learned.

What are they??

There are many different types of sex parties all with their own primary focus. Generally they have different rooms with different goings on and its up to you where you go and what you get up to. It’s worth having a think about what your desires and expectations are in order to decide if or which one is for you. These are the main types I’ve experienced and what they have been like for me:

1. Queer focus; these are my favourite that I have been to so far. They are generally very inclusive and sex positive, the vibe is very friendly and I enjoy the different rooms that have different atmospheres. Some examples are Club Love and Riot Party. Both had performances and easy to navigate areas such as chill out spaces, dance areas, cuddle spaces and play spaces.
2. Kink focus; for example Klub Verboten and Torture Garden. The outfits here are incredible and I enjoyed the kink focus, they also had different rooms. However I did find it overwhelming on the senses, wasn’t so much of a fan of the music and the need to know everything felt a little intimidating, this was just my experience though and I know others that absolutely love these events
3. Swing focused these events are more for people in the swing scene; lots of partnered couples looking to play. These are often specific clubs rather than events. I don’t enjoy ‘dressing down’ as I prefer to choose comfortability when it comes to how covered I am dress wise and in general it didn’t feel as diverse for me. again if you are partnered and in it for the swinging, this would be more for you.

I am a polyamorous, queer, kinky person so for me sex events are as much about celebrating who I am and connecting with other like minded people rather than being specifically about seeking sex or kink experiences, which is why I think I have a preference for queer focused events. As a Neurodivergent person it’s also important that numbers are monitored and I have space to calm down for me to fully enjoy myself. Everyone is different so think about what you’re looking for and explore different ones to find what works for you.

What Happens?

Well that honestly is entirely up to you! You can go and dance, have fun with friends, chill, flirt, or get absolutely filthy in the playroom. Play in general shouldn’t happen outside of the playrooms so you won’t see anything unless you go in those spaces. Consent is priority and most places I’ve been have had (and absolutely should have so if they don’t that is a red flag) patrols keeping numbers monitored and people safe. You could go with a partner and experience having sex in public or end up in a 10 person orgie! You could have a spanking or you could enjoy the atmosphere. In general single people aren’t allowed in the play room so ogling is not usually an option nor is interrupting a scene. But you are in the drivers seat when it comes to how naughty you get.

Etiquette

Each venue has it’s own rules and they are generally available on their website so familiarise yourself with them prior to attending. Some clubs encourage or require membership which often involve asking a series of questions to see if you are a fit for their scene, many being around consent and community. That said there are general rules that I have found at most if not all of the clubs I have attended.

• Dresscode; attending in the dress code is almost a test that you are going to comply with the rules. That you have read and are conscious of them and willing to make effort. It also sets the general vibe and makes everyone more comfortable given you are all in similar clothing.
• Photos; most venues do not allow photos or only allow them in certain areas, this was a rule I wasn’t originally aware of but it makes a lot of sense considering the stigma attached to sex parties and how certain jobs may treat attendees negatively. Some people also just prefer subtlety or may not be open about what parties they like to attend with friends or family.
• playroom rules; most parties do not allow entry into the playroom without a play partner, lurking and watching is not usually allowed nor is solo wanking, interrupting a scene is also inappropriate.
• Consent; consent is number one priority, just because you are at a play party does not mean you want to be touched or played with, do not ogle or touch people without enthusiastic consent, if in doubt ask, if still in doubt don’t.
• General étiquette; being aware of nuerodivergency, asking pronouns, taking safe sex seriously with testing, condoms and dams, and just in general; don’t be a dick. It’s ok to be a bit worried about getting things wrong, people are in general open to questions and curiosity but this needs to be from a place of genuine desire to be kind and get things right, treat people with respect and everyone will have a great time!

So there you have it! The basics of sex parties, hopefully this makes them a little less scary and gives you some knowledge to help you decide if they are for you/ which you want to try. Are you a sex party pro? Or is is new ground for you? Tell me all about it!

Love always,

Alice x