Toys, toys, toys! They’re the secret ingredient to a happy sex life. No, we’re not talking about your favorite childhood playthings, we’re talking about adult toys that are guaranteed to take your sex life to the next level. And the best part? We’re breaking down the stigma around them and showing you how they can actually improve your sex life, both solo and with a partner.
Let’s start with a little confession: in 2021, before my spicy creation and sexual transformation, I owned just one lonely, cheap vibrator. It did the job, and since I saw orgasm as the focus of solo and partnered play, I felt no need for anything else. But boy, was I wrong! Now, I have an entire bucket drawer designated to my toy box, and oh my, the joy it brings. (The carpet cleaner received a surprise when he pulled that draw out haha! but that’s a story for another day).

It’s overwhelming, I know. But don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. I’ve tried hundreds of toys, and I’ll tell you my top 5 to inspire you to try something new.

My followers get a 10% discount at lovehoney read to the end for the code!

Before I start I wanted to note that every persons sexual preferences are different. What works for me might not work for you and that’s ok! I once very excitedly tried the famous womaniser, even making a video of my ‘reaction’ only to find my reaction was very dull as it did nothing for me at all! I learned that suction toys don’t work for me and my anatomy. We are all different and that’s a beautiful thing. This list is aimed to inspire exploration for you to find your favourites. Another note is that all toys should be kept in a cool, dry, safe space to prevent them getting broken or dirty, and should be cleaned before and after each use (toys can harbour bacteria and cause/ spread infections).

5. Rope; rope is so much fun, you can use it to make beautiful patterns and art like clothing. You can use it for bondage and holds or gags and blindfolds, sensory play with the feel of the rope on your body or bonding experiences through learning ties with a partner. Rope is incredibly versatile and has been an incredible introduction into my sex life, I enjoy the vulnerably of being tied, the womb like feeling some holds provide and the opportunity to learn an expressive art with a partner. However it must be engaged in sensibly, there should always be a tool to cut the rope if needed and ties should be learned correctly with knowledge of nerves and pressure points. If you are interested in using rope please attend a course on Shibari or research to do so safely.

4. Paddle/ flogger; although not for everyone, impact play took my sex life to another level. I particularly enjoy a flogger that provides the contrast of sting and soft strokes. Impact play feeds into submission and domination and even the presence of a tool asserts dominance and provides anticipation. Pain can help a person be present in their body and for me is almost mediative. As someone who lives with ADHD impact play really takes me out of my busy mind and helps me relax. You can get some really beautiful tools each providing different sensations. With any kind of pain play safe words are of utmost importance. We use the traffic light system; Red-stop the scene, Amber-check in or change something, green-good, and the 1-5 intensity level; 5 meaning I am at my limit, and this works really well for keeping scenes enjoyable for all. Additionally awareness of areas not to hit such as the kidneys to avoid damage is needed so again please research properly before engaging in impact play.

3. Butt plugs; I love a plug, they play into my kink for being ‘full’, come in all sorts of pretty colours, gems and patterns (who doesn’t want their booty hole to look like a flower?) and can introduce different textures to a partner if they are penetrating. They can help with training if a person wants to explore anal more and can also be used in humiliation play (being made to where for a certain amount of time or one that makes you look silly). They can also be used for people who enjoy pet play to create a tail. They have the added bonus of stimulating the prostate too if you’re lucky enough to have one of those. Plugs are so fun and are definitely a regular tool I love to use. If you fancy trying a plug, always remember to have a clean out first, pick a size that isn’t going to hurt you and use plenty of lube, as that hole is not self lubricating.

2. Dildo; Now personally I can take or leave a dildo, I much prefer a real penis and have access to one pretty much whenever I desire it haha! I also orgasm from external stimulus so when engaging in solo play rarely go internal at all. So I have no real want to use them. However I wanted to include them on the list as they are such a huge category of toy it would be crazy for me to leave them off. There are sooo many to choose from, crazy colours and shapes, to beautiful glass art works (which can also be used for temperature play). Whatever you choose make sure you use a high grade silicone or material that is quality and safe such as metal or glass, as some companies are not safe for internal use, and that you pare it with a lube that does not break that material down (oil based can damage silicone).

1. Now for the king of my toolbox, the one I simply cannot live without; my plug in wand vibrator. There are lots of different vibrators available on the market, but this one, this one blows them all out the park. It would be my island wreck attendee, and it has frequently been the cause of airport drama because I simply refuse to travel without it. It is bringer of pleasure, and multiple shaking Os in a row, from this I have travelled time and space. Need I say more? If you are a clitorus owner, treat yourself to a wand, you will not regret it.

So now you know my favourites, what are yours? Did you learn of any you want to try, did I miss one I need to include? are you about to go update your tool box or maybe try one for the first time? Do tell, I’m excited to find out!

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Oh and before I forget, I manage to grab a juicy 10% discount at love honey for my followers! click here to get your hands on some toys and and use the discount code BBettersx.

Alice Lovegood; sex educator, life coach and spicy creator.