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Are you a sub, Dom, Switch, Brat? If you’ve been following me a while or had any kind of introduction to kink, I’m sure you’ve heard some of these terms thrown around. If you’re wondering what all these roles are and if/where you might fit within them, this blog will go into the meaning of the terms, their subcategories, and how you can experiment/play to find roles that you personally enjoy. A small disclaimer that these explanations are gathered through my own personal experience within the kink world, my own extensive research, and my knowledge as a conscious kink practitioner. There will be people with slightly different interpretations or experiences. As always, take what’s applicable and useful to you individually; my word is not gospel.

The Roles covered are essentially titles for different personality types within a BDSM or kink dynamic that explain the common behaviors, characteristics, and personality types of that given role. They also give insight into typical power exchange levels and expectations of the type of play enjoyed by that person. Some people will identify strongly with a role and fully embody the persona. This can be helpful in matching play partners compatibility. Other people are more dynamic in their roles and enjoy altering their role depending on the situation. I call these people chameleons and include myself in this group. Neither is better than the other, kink is play, and all play is valid as long as everyone playing is enthusiastically consenting and RACK conscious.

As much as I talk about ‘categories’ it is also worth noting that truly everyone is entirely unique. These ‘labels’ can be helpful in creating an identity, or learning about someone, as well as connecting with others that feel similarly, but the way one person Dominates, and how another brats or submits, and the ways they exchange power, reward, punish and more are all individual to that unique dynamic and should be discussed and decided as such. This is simply a learning tool and not a copy paste application.

so on to the juicy bit!

what is a dominant

A Dominant; a person with power. This is the person in control of the action. Note I don’t say top as you can be in a position of receiving and still be Dominant. Dominance is always about power.

Within the Dom Role there are different subcategories here are some examples;

Daddy/ Mommy:

A caring Dominant role that is often affectionate and nurturing. Often paired with Babies they are frequently service tops as they enjoy caring, and often have a very therapeutic, loving relationship with their submissive.

Master/ Mistress

strict and controlled, this Dom can push their sub to excel through tasks and rewards. Sometimes, a more sadistic and cold streak in this type of Dom; they enjoy controlling the mind. Masters often also have physical skills to aid them in domination such as rope work or flogging skills.

god/ goddess

A more spiritual connection with Dominance in my experience. This type of Dom enjoys being worshipped and served. They’re powerful at physical control via things like skilled physical body manipulation, rope, restraints, or even face sitting, and enjoy rewarding their sub simply via access to them.

There are also other common roles such as doctor/ nurse/ brat tamer/ owner and im sure more which even more specific.

what is a submissive

A submissive is the person giving the power; note I say giving. The sub makes the choice to submit, it is not taken from them. Dr Lowri eloquently put this in a recent workshop I attended; much like the giving of keys to a car. It may be being driven by someone else but it is still ultimately owned by you. Again in the submissive role you may be in a position of serving your Dom and theoretically topping by performing acts on them, or you may be in a bottom position receiving acts, but you are always the one with power removed.

Baby (Girl/ Boy): I was reminded quite harshly once that this is far from the ‘no control’ ideal that some people like to omit as a sub. Babies, in fact, have a lot of control, demanding little creatures that they are, but no responsibility. Receiving all the care and attention one desires. I think you can tell this is a rather attractive role to me and a favourite of mine.

Slave; Slaves love to serve, be ignored, degraded, and receive harsh treatment with not a lot of reward. They often enjoy complete removal of choice, being attracted to the single stream of consciousness and purpose being their masters’ demands.

Pet (Pup, Kitten) pets are playful, they enjoy tasks, rewards, tricks, showing off but also containment and punishment. Being a pet can be attractive as without speech there is less room for argument and more space for conscious obedience whilst still allowing the expression of playfulness and receiving of care that would not come with a slave title.

Brat; Brats are disobedient by nature and require very skilled Dominants. Doms that actively enjoy the game that brats like to play. It does not make you any less of a Dom to admit to not enjoying the forcefulness of a brat and in fact I actively discourage you in playing with them if boundary pushing isn’t fun for you. It can result in a battle of wills and actions from both parties that are regretted, I have known Doms to safeword in response. Brats will push the boundaries and test the nature and say no or make me to everything. They will try to top from the bottom or act like they are Dominant when they are not. Brats want to submit, but they don’t want to choose to submit, they want to be naughty and still loved. they’re attention seekers and boundary pushers. Please don’t ignore or remove attention to punish a brat, brats are loving and playful and often have layered trauma, work together with your brat to think of punishments together, it should never be an aim to ‘break’ a brat, trust me they’ve had life try to break them long enough…. I think you can tell which role I most connect to haha.

what is a switch?

a switch is much like the chameleon I explained earlier, flowing through their aligned Dominant and Submissive roles depending on the day/ time/ dynamic/ relationship or even what they ate that day. I am a true switch I love playing with energy and embodying different roles. That said I have my selected or natural roles within submission or Dominance; I am somewhere in between Mommy and Mistress, I enjoy the structure and task-based role of a Mistress whilst simultaneously enjoying the nurturing caring safe space a Mommy provides. I am a Bratty baby, I will fight and resist and love to be chased like pray but do not try to beat me into submission or I simply will not break, and I do not enjoy being broken, I enjoy tasks I can win and being rewarded for being your good girl, and then I enjoy aftercare where I am small and need to be completely loved and cared for. I enjoy humiliation, mixed with praise, and only from someone that I am completely safe and cared for. I must admit I’m a very difficult sub, and have had many experienced Doms stumped on how to deal with me, luckily my husband is a very skilled handler.

There are also specific roles relating to the type of action you enjoy within that role or the extent of the role in your life, that doesn’t necessarily equate to a different title, but might form a prequel to such. For example ‘service sub’ means a sub that enjoys doing proactive tasks for your Dom like serving them tea or cleaning their house, a pleasure Dom is a Dom that chooses to control through pleasure acts such as forced orgasms, or a lifestyle sub, showing that this is a dynamic carried outside of just the sexual action.

As you can see, as many answers I have provided, I’m sure many more questions have appeared. But I hope from this blog you have started to materialize the different roles and energies the sub and Dom dynamics have and perhaps have identified those you most relate to. I’m still learning how to navigate this adult playground myself and keep finding hidden tunnels with more and more to learn. As I do though, I endeavor to pass on that learning. So don’t forget to subscribe to the blog for more of this content, follow my Instagram, and get in touch to let me know what you want to hear more about. If you want to see these roles in action, check out my paid platforms. And please tell me: what are you?

Love always,

Alice x