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As 2023 comes to an end reflection feels natural as it does for so many of us this time of year. Even more so given my birthday is the 30th December, born and aged just before a new beginning. What so many of us see as a fresh start.

A whole 365 days around the sun and I cannot quite believe where the last year has taken me. It truly has been the most transformational year of my life, and had you shown me this time last year where I would be now, I would have been stunned into silence.

It hasn’t been easy though, there has been so much pain as I rip my wings from the pupa that held me. Society’s standards are difficult to break free from and I feel now that I have only just shed the crust of its hold. In a process of stretching and shaking, I’m ready to fly.

The start of the year was shadowed in so much hurt. My beautiful puppy passed away, the sound of thunder pushed her into a panic attack that swelled her throat and caused her to die. There was so much guilt and ‘what if’ feelings from that day that sparked my CPTSD and sunk me into a depressive episode of bipolar. I then had surgery to have my wisdom teeth removed, and ended up battered, bruised and infected with a broken jaw. The following few months were so dark, my partner of nine years and I nearly split, I was earning less than I had since starting OF and back in debt, and I was broken.

I can’t explain what or when things changed exactly. I remember feeling like I had awoken from a dream and in a possessed like state began recreating my brand and soaking up every piece of knowledge available to me. Days of research and work started as soon as my eyes opened and finished when my eyes closed. I reflected and learned about my needs and that actually for the first time in my life, realised that it was ok to have them. That my life was not to serve others and be what they needed. That it was ok to be autonomous. I remember while completing my qualification in sex education a conversation with the tutor that would change my life. I have suffered for so long with not feeling enough, not feeling knowledgeable enough to speak, worrying that I was somehow taking the attention away from someone more qualified to speak, more experienced and better able to attend to the needs of the audience, so very afraid to get things wrong. I laid all my fears out to him for the first time, even as I did so the admission helping me realise who it was that was holding me back, the person that holds so many of us back, ourselves. But what the teacher said next will forever be held in my consciousness, spurring me on when that negative voice gets too loud, such is the power of an amazing tutor. He said ‘You might not be the most qualified to speak, the most accredited, or even the most entertaining. But that does not matter. Your power is your uniqueness. There are over 8 billion people in the world, and the way you tell your story will reach and speak to many of them in a way no other can, just as those that are already speaking reach their own unique audience. It is only your intent and the people that receive it that matter. You don’t need to be the best, most qualified, funniest most entertaining sex educator to be successful. You just need to reach the people that can connect to your message in the way you tell it to change their lives, and even if it’s just one, that is enough. You are enough’.

All of a sudden it made sense. This wasn’t a competition, I didn’t need to be anyone else. I just needed to be me. Sure I could, and would, continuously improve my knowledge and expertise, and learn how to wrap up my message in a way that was engaging and easy to understand. But I didn’t need to be perfect to speak. The only person that had been holding me back was me, telling myself I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t pretty enough, clever enough, deserving enough to do this. A little part of my brain attempting to protect me from failure. But the only sure way to fail is to never start, and even if you fail, what then? What is so scary about failing that we never want to try? You trip while walking you learn to pick up your feet, wear better shoes, watch your step or take another route, you don’t stop walking all together. We grow in discomfort, forcing our body to adapt to the environment unknown to us. We get stronger by picking up consistently heavier weights, telling our body that, if you don’t make me stronger I will die, and so it does. Pick up the same weight every day for a year and your body will stop changing, forever taking the easiest route. It’s no different for our brains.

So, in May 2023 I put myself in the un-comfy zone and launched my brand. I posted a manifestation video that’s still on tiktok now, posting my hopes and dreams for all to see. 1 month later and they had all come true, every statement, and I went from earning £2,000 in may to £60,000 in August.

Of course it wasn’t easy, there’s been ups, downs, worries and the burn out that comes from fear driven working. I found new friendships and struggled through the loss of loved ones that couldn’t cope with my new ability to set boundaries. My husband and I married and opened our relationship, a rollacoster to say the least, too long of a story to write here but positively life changing. This year has been mind-blowing. I’m now sitting at 292 thousand followers on instagram, officially the highest following of a sex educator in the UK, grown from 2 thousand in June, my videos reach and touch the lives of millions. I love nothing more than receiving the messages of followers and how I’ve helped them. I’m recognised as a leader in the field, I’m writing a book and I’m about to move to a new city.

I don’t know what 2024 will bring. But I do know, I will never hold myself back, I will always take the risk, make the best decision I can in the moment with the information I have, lead with positive intent, and be grateful for all life has to offer.

I hope this story offers inspiration for your 2024, for those feeling stuck in a rut and feel that those you inspire to be are just lucky. It’s half luck, for sure, but it’s half you, and if you aim for the moon, you might just land in the stars.

Love always, and a happy new year,

Alice x