I’m pretty sure BDSM has saved my life. A heavy statement I know but not an overreaction. If you have or know someone with ADHD you will know it is not the fun trend that everyone on TikTok seems to think it is. It is sometimes completely overwhelming and crippling. Difficulty focusing doesn’t seem to accurately sum up the doom you feel of staring into nothingness while a thousand and one things swirl in your head. The letters of penalties from parking fines because you got distracted before adding time on the parking app, and then forgot to pay the fine, and now you can’t because you cannot manage money well and don’t have enough. The house getting unmanageable and not knowing where to start to clean it but also not being able to function in the clutter, struggling to maintain friendships because you forget to message them back, or when you do see them you talk over them, struggling to stay attentive in relationships, and the insufferable guilt that comes with just not being able to do life in the way we were all told to. Echos of the words you heard as a child; lazy, not trying hard enough, insensitive, selfish.

No ADHD certainly isn’t fun.

It isn’t all bad though, and I’ve learnt what I call ‘hacking’ my ADHD, that is understanding the way my brain works and working with it not against it, and forgiving myself for the things that aren’t my fault. If you want more on how let me know, but I’m conscious this is a sx blog not a mental health blog and honestly I could write a book on this so lets keep it specific and say that BDSM is one of those ways. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. It is sexual activity that uses physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of power and the infliction of pain. Engaging in BDSM allows me to let go, it provides a space where my mind goes blank, almost mediative and in a busy mind, f*ck is that good. Before BDSM I could be at the point of orgasm and suddenly my brain would shout ‘It’s grandads birthday tomorrow don’t forget’, that’s more than annoying, orgasm ruined haha. Engaging in BDSM helps me concentrate, the pain, and the anticipation of the pain, is so mentally stimulating that everything else is gone, which allows me to fully feel the pleasure. The complete submission when bottoming gives someone else control for a change; I don’t need to think, I only need to follow. Each scene provides an opportunity to feel, process, let go, whether that be anger, sadness, frustration, elation, I feel it, and I share it with my partner, I feel seen and held in my emotion. The dopamine sure does flow.

It’s important to know that as with anything, especially with mental vulnerability, that BDSM remains healthy. Engaging with a partner that is RACK aware (Risk Aware, Consensual, Kink) and respects you is vital, aftercare from sub or dom drop is vital, and protecting yourself against addiction is vital. With these things in mind BDSM can be a powerful release in what can be a messy world. It certainly has been for me. For more info follow my blog and YouTube page, I plan to to cover so much more on the topic so if you have specific questions please do let me know. Or check out the 18+ links to see it in action. As always have fun, stay safe,

Love,

Alice Lovegood

A Sex Educator, life coach and spicy content creator, Alice wants to open up the conversation around sex and intimacy and help you feel at home in your body, celebrated and valued exactly as you are.

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